If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
