that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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