i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
