It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
