They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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