That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Michael Bay diarrhea
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
