I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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