That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
