What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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