Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
