just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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