i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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