Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
