guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
wow bdsm is so cute
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
