i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just had sex on a roof
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
