My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
