She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
