I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
