ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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