She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
