I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
