Define "chronic" masturbator.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
