I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
