Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
