so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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