I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
