i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
