can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
