I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
