I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
