he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
