Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
