No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Come see our sink grown plant.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
