told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
