$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
