Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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