Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
