i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
