and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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