I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
