i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
