is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
