Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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