I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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