The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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