tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
