I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
