What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
