If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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