Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He has the fingertips of a God
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