Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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