and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
