i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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